Currently Playing Upstairs By Shane & Shane see related

- yearn

AAAHHH 

Got to say that was a really really nice nap!! Almost a year long!! Some people like to call me sleeping beauty and that's okay with me ;)

So really I have just been freeloading off of my brothers site who, in my opinion (which is all that matters on this site... i think), is the best xanga experience ever (welshmnky)!!  Yeah so my life is slowing down a little bit now and I like it!!  Just today i took my last ever module test (for those of you who don't know what that is, just know that it is really hard) and am getting ready to start senior capstone. though it is more like super senior capstone because it is really my fifth year of college. You are all asking yourself "what the flip is he doing in college for five years? and what is he going to do after he gets done?" well let me tell ya, i screwed up!! I decided to go into pharmacy which is a six year program and is really hard!! (so yeah i still have a year left.. i just don't have class.. it is kind of like a bunch of mini-really-intense-internships) Maybe for some it isn't hard, you're right, but for this kid.. it was!   and to be honest i really have no idea what i want to do or where i want to do it after i am done. Currently i work for walgreens but pharmacy is a large world of opportunity so we will see.

Yeah i pretty much have my first girl friend ever during the school year (i had one last year at about this time but it only lasted for a week so i don't count it) and it is kind of cool!!  yeah it has only been a week but it is looking up compared to the last relationship i had (what wouldn't!?!?) Maybe in a year i will post more on this whole situation but i don't want to bore you with it now (really i don't want to bore myself)

that's about all i got

When reality sets in just hope things are at least similar to the fantasy world you were living in, cause if they aren't then you are in a heap of trouble. I definately fell asleep today, and when i woke up the world was different. I was hungry number one. That sucked, and in fact i am still hungry. I couldn't hear anything!! People were talking right to my face and i couldn't hear anything they were saying. Never try to sing like this. But life didn't feel the same. Nothing feels good right now. Ya know i am reading the book The Catcher In the Rye... and strangly i relate to Holden in a very wierd way. Our thought processes are very similar, and that is all i am going to say about it because i don't want people thinking i am too wierd.

nite

Well, i guess i never really got into this whole xanga site thing. Wearing my thoughts on my sleeve just isn't me I guess, but my brother told me that i should probably update it. Yeah that was the old... "i haven't logged in a long time so hear i go, im still cool" speech... but it just felt right i guess.

The question is what does it really mean? What is the matrix i guess you could say? I honestly think that the bar scene in the original Matrix is the most pertinant scene in the whole series and if you keep this in mind while watching the movies your understanding of what is happening will increase substantially. If only life were so easy... at this point in mine i really don't understand much of what is happening to me. I feel like i am being forced to give up activities that i enjoy for a major that i really don't enjoy studying. How fair is that? Maybe someday though it will pay off, but until then i guess my life becomes a living you know what!!

Accept for the occasional visit by people special to me though i feel pretty much like a loner right now. It isn't that bad honestly, and i feel like i have been here before. (Strangely reminiscent of last year being an RA of guys that i didn't really know that well. Which in the long run payed off, because i made a lot of great friendships) This year it seems like the same thing is happening. I have come to the realization that i really don't have many friends who are my own age, and one questions whether this matters or not. And honestly, i would say it doesn't (probably because it is something is currently happening to me), but I miss the good ole days of hanging out in 5UP and stuff with the boys. Now I feel acient around the people i hang out with, even though most of them will graduate long before I will. But, as I was trying to say, I have developed a lot of new friendships this year with some people who are younger than me, and I am really enjoying it. They do the things that I enjoy doing, and they let me tag along, so it is all good. I think i am good with younger people though... I relate to them better. Probably because I am a little imature for my age, but who really knows... i always liked to tell myself that i was more mature because i was secure with who i was. I could be stupid, and feel perfectly fine about that, and i didn't feel the need to give in on my standards to make other people and myself happy. Have i been right all these years?? Am i more mature because of this? I really don't know.

well that is all i got tonite, my first nite back on this thing in over a year. I enjoyed rambling about nothing really. Perhaps i will do it again sometime before another year passes, and maybe it will even be more understandable.

So, what do you do when a brother or sister in christ is in sin, but refuses to admit it or does, but chooses to do nothing about it? if you know the answer, i would appreciate it if you would let me know because i care for this person a lot, and realize the struggle it would be for the to cease their sinful actions, but still desire them to change. Is there a problem with me? Should i just pretend it doesn't happen, and allow them to continue doing what they choose? Should i say "that is strike three, your out of here?" I know it won't stop right away, but if they were working to escape from their sin I would feel much more comfortable with what they were doing. Understanding is what I need Lord!!  Pour it out on me, so i may acquire the wisdom to settle this ordeal.

Well, other than this, life is pretty great! Just over a week left of school, and i will be on my way home to spend time with my family, and begin my career as a pharmacist. In fact, i have already been offered an internship at kroger for the summer. Though that doesn't sound very exciting to many of you, it is one of the best environments for young aspiring pharmacy majors. so, i am really excited! Two years of knowledge will finally be put to use. i just hope i don't come to the realization that it is all useless like it felt when i was learning it all. LOL i don't know, did you ever think that all that you are doing is just absolutely useless in attaining your life goals. Well, let me tell you something. Pharmacy is a six year degree, and the first three years are just that, USELESS. or so they seem that way. We will though.

Peace